Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
