I want to walk on stilts...naked
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
