drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
