Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
