my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
