I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
