This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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