i was born a porn star she said
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize