jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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