Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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