im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
