im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
