can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
