So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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