Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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