the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize