She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize