So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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