if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
