Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
