3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
