dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize