my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
