Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
