hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
