Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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