I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize