just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
