As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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