I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
