Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize