There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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