just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
