My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
