is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
