I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
