Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
