i wish my penis had a tongue
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize