That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did I show you my penis last night?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
