I smell stomach acid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
