these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
