I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
