____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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