All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
