note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
