Life is so much better after having sex.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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