What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
