Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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