ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize