Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
