So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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