I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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