Jerry, you need to find god
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
