I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
