Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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