I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
