Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
