i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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