Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
