Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
