dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
