I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Please don't give away my fajitas
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