the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My penis needs a shock collar
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
